The Jewish Classmates.com!

Check out FrumHere. What will they think of next?

42% of Americans Believe G-d Gave Israel to Jews; Other 58% Too Immersed in Eating to Realize Truth

According to Arutz Sheva, 42% of Americans believe that the modern state of Israel is a gift to the Jewish people by G-d. (This stat, collected in July, is unchanged since 2003.) This is a pretty astounding number in my opinion, considering the rampant anti-semitism I thought had taken over.

Still, I can't help hating on the other 58%. According to my sources, when surveyed, those not fully supportive of Israel were too busy becoming obese to consider the theology and dashed off an easy 'no'. Some responses:

"No. Now can I go back to my burger?"
"Get your hands off my Cheetos! The answer is no, okay?"
"Damn, buffalo wings with a side of deep-fried onion rings, topped off by 2 Big Gulps is mm mm good! What was your question again? Oh, no." (chomp)

Hmm, is there a correlation between stupidity and obesity? I don't think NAAFA would like this post.

Tall, Jewish, Gay, Can Rap: Do you want this dreadlocked dude at your kid's bar mitzvah?

This is so bizarre I'm just linking to it. See for yourselves.

The Jewish Babe Renaissance

Complaining nebby Jewboys, take heed: It's official, Jewgirls are hot.

So stop bitching and get yourselves to a gym. It wouldn't hurt you to work off all that Yerushalmi kugel and cholent I saw y'all fressing at Young Israel last week.

Tom Cruise: Coming Soon to a McDonald's Near You

YES!!!!! Icky Tom Cruise's creepy and annoying antics have finally caught up with him. Sumner Redstone, head of Paramount, dropped the Scientology Spaceball's contract because, quote, "His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount."

Ha - it's begun. Middah k'neged midda - what goes around comes around. Can't wait to see what G-d has in store for Mel Gibson, Certified Anti Semite and Alcoholic. I think this is a sign that Mashiach is coming!

I'm as Jewish as a piece of shmaltz herring and a bissel Schnapps

How Jewish are you? It would make sense that if you define yourself by a food, you are Jewish.* According to this methodology, Jackie Mason is definitely Jewish, since he stated, "the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami."

While Good Ol' Jack is known to make funny proclamations, the interesting twist is that his declaration came as part of his lawsuit against '(Non - ed) Jews for Jesus.'

The pamphlets feature an image of Mason next to the words "Jackie Mason ... A Jew for Jesus!?" with information inside that outlines the similarities between Jews and Christians.

In an affadavit, the crunching comic stated, "The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts."

It's bad enough that JforJ lies and pretends they're Jewish. But don't go stealing someone's shtick. Bravo to Jackie for calling them on it, and using the opportunity to talk about food! Now that's a real Jew.

*And if you're feeling trendy, you can define yourself as a faux crab sushi roll.

Wow - This (Jewish) Gang Bang Has Standards!

Ah, Craig's list - the bastion of all things pure. Such a kiddush Hashem is this ad:

JEWISH guys needed for Gang Bang - w4m - 27 (Union Square)
Date: 2006-08-22, 1:02PM EDT

PLEASE READ THE AD COMPLETELY AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. (we posted as w4m because we're looking for hetero guys) FIRST - DON'T REPLY to this ad if you're gay. We do HETERO Gangbangs, so you would not enjoy our events. Nothing personal :) This is a gang bang club for clean-cut, professional, and IN-SHAPE Jewish men. We hang out and gang bang girls together, in addition to hanging out, networking, etc. We are in touch with our heritage and proud to be Jewish men. And we come together to team up on (deleted by ed. - too filthy to put on our site) gang bang style. Comaraderie and khavura. We are NOT just looking for guys who want to get laid. We are looking for guys who want to be a part of a brotherhood, a true team. We, as a brotherhood, stand shoulder to shoulder with Israel in these very difficult times. Am Yisrael Khai! If you're interested, please reply to this ad. Our group is for clean-cut professional Jewish guys in their 20's or 30's, who are good looking, in good shape, AND PROUD TO BE JEWISH. We get a lot of fakes replying to our ad, so if you want to be considered SEND A FACE PIC WHEN YOU REPLY. Yes, a face pic. No exceptions. We know some will think we are "collecting pics," but we know we're for real, so we don't care what people think :) We also don't care what the dude "flagging" and "deleting" our ad says - we know we're real and have the events under our belt to prove it. The guy posting that we are fake is someone we rejected, and we have evidence of that. Lehitra'ot!

Forget 1-800-DIVORCE, Just Call MTV

MTV must be stopped! Every single couple that participated in one of their reality shows about 'their love' has ended up divorced:

First Nick & Jessica - 'Newlyweds' no longer. (Ed: Goooo Nick - come to Mama.)

Then Carmen (Elektra) and Dave (Navarro) - what happened to 'Until Death Do Us Part'?

Now Shana Moakler and Travis Barker (of Blink 182) are the newest casualty - no more 'Meet the Barkers' for them.

There might be other reasons:
1. Nick was tired of hearing Jessica's creepy pa talk about her bazoombas;
2. Carmen got sick of Dave stealing her eyeliner;
3. Travis got sick of his wife's overly somatic state.

Still, I'm beginning to think MTV cut a sweet deal with Jacoby & Meyers.*

*For 'when it's time' to call a lawyer.

Boro Park has Jews! Porn star visits Israel! 6th Sense kid is not anti-semitic!

- The NY Post: Boro Park has too many Jews

- Jewish porn star heading to Israel to show solidarity; and of course a documentary is being filmed about the experience

- Haley Joel Osmont arrested for DUI - and he doesn't blame Jews for all the wars in the world

Cool Jew of the day - Dan Lazar.

So mediabistro is hosting a vote for the male hottie in Publishing - and while I don't normally care for high-school-hot-or-not internet voting, I care about this one, because my best-buddy-slash-cousins-cousin is up for a win. And if he wins... he likes himself just a little bit more.

So vote for DAN LAZAR in the mediabistro poll, for not only is Dan a talented and up-and-coming literary agent, he's just a fine lad too.

Lest We Forget - We Are Still Here

Except for me - I'm in Greece on vacation.* Which is probably why this blog hasn't been updated in so long. But don't worry - we're still alive and kicking.

*I know it's pathetic to update your blog when you're on vacation, but take this as a measure of my love for you, dear readers. Plus the internet is free at my hotel.

Kinky Jews?!?

So, we have Ashkenaz Jews, Sefardic Jews and now Kinky Jews brings together the "curious newbies to the esperienced hip, funky, Jews" of the world.

IF you are young, Jewish and interested in kink or other alternative sexuality scenes - register your name there. And please, PLEASE no comments like "Oh JYC - how do YOU know about kinkyjews.com?!?" I'll clear the air right now - when I was wrapping myself in my leather tefillin from the age of 13, I wasn't JUST thinking about making a shin on my hand. Woof.

Barbie Doll Breakthrough

I realized something shocking/genius over the weekend. Most little girls (like me) played with Barbie dolls as kids. I thought I was really bad (in a good way) since I always made Barbie and Ken make out.

Well, talking to my girlfriends over the years has led me to realize that everyone did the same thing! All this time, I thought I was the lone perv. I think Barbies are a very important part of the growth process (especially in regard to positive body image - ha ha) so I was glad to hear that everyone had 'benefited.'

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got business to attend to - Barbie & the Rockers are putting on a concert, and I heard that Gem (who's truly outrageous) might be there.

Text Messaging - Is There an Etiquette?

Rather than post a pop culture tidbit, I wanted to share my thoughts on the text messaging phenomenon. It has become so popular over the last year or so, joining email and phone as a prefered mode of communication, but it seems to be a wild, chaotic jungle where anything goes! Or a barren tundra where text messages that have not been answered go to die!

These are the sort of questions that run through my head in regard to texting, that have yet to be answered. Perhaps someday, someday, they will:

-Does it enhance your life, making it easier to exchange info rather than suffer through long, torturous conversations?
-Or does it futher confuses your life, as you don't know 'how serious' a text from someone you are dating is compared to an email or phone call?
-When can you stop texting? What if the texting just kind of dies out? Is it rude to not text goodbye?
-Is it rude to read a text when you are out to dinner? At work? In the bath?
-Has it negatively impacted your thumbs/fingers?
-Does texting lead to sexing?

Tell me what you think...I'd lurve to know!

Pammy Anderson & Kid Rock: Under the Chuppah

--> On the way to the Yichud Room.

Ya think she got the 'gown' at a Gemach or at Estee's???

Exciting "Gevaldica Middot" (aka boobies) Breakthrough!!!

Just in from an always reliable source (a forward):

Rejoice, ladies! A British company is developing computer chips which store and play music, to be implanted in women's breasts. This is viewed as a major breakthrough because up until now, women have complained that men were just staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Transvestite on the Loose in the Westmont!

Enough of the Anonymous dude - he's so over - I'm much more into Inconsiderate Cellphone Man anyway. I bring you this hilarious and frightening exchange from the wonderful Overheard in New York:

Title: They Used to Be
Guy: So you went out with this great guy, and then he just told you he's a girl?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: I just love having these crazy conversations in the elevator, and everyone thinks you're insane.
Doors open. Everyone gets out.
Guy: This is your floor? Oh no! Those people are your neighbors!

--Elevator, 96th & Columbus aka Westmont

Anonymous Comment Writer Further Alienates Jews with Atrocious Spelling

I have quite enjoyed JYC's interaction with Anonymous Comment Writer (who should occupy a space in the pantheon next to Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer). After I posted a comment in response to ACW's mispelling of the word 'wannabe' - as in it's not a bee, bzz bzz - ACW fired back. Here is my response:

Just a few tips Peaches: - Did I give you permission to call me Peaches? How dare you!

A - Your blog needs a new wardrobe, why choose a layout that yelps "I'm a boring blog .... read me". - Perhaps you can provide us with some dough to improve our layout since you are, after all, the famous ACW. In any case, we'd much rather remain geographically desirable and use all our $$$ to live in Manhattan, instead of investing in a hot new layout just to please you. Just a thought - are you an angry Staten Island resident?

B - You have .blogspot in your web address its like so June 2003. Make an effort sweetcheeks, and maybe readers will too. - Listen, bub, don't call me SweetCheeks. (They are in fact spectacular, but you would have no chance, trust me.) In answer, we are so fab that we don't mind the dreaded '.blogspot.' In fact, we welcome it as an ironic tribute to our hipster greatness. And where were you in June 2003? Camp Morasha?

C - JewYorkCity should be about Jew York City, not a Shrine to Shiyksas. If I wanted Hollyweird I wouldnt read your blog trust me. A shrine to Shiyksas? What are those?? I know about shiksas, but never heard of those Shiyks. Are you referring to Sheiks, perhaps? Or some obscure Trekkie reference? Mind your spelling and punctuation- may I suggest Strunk and White's masterpiece?
Also - you have posted quite frequently and seem to know us intimately. That would make it seem like you actually read our blog.

D - Your blog is "plastic", not real, has no soul, it lacks insecurities, got no personality. PR is dead honey. I think our blog has a TON of soul. We write about so many topics - NYC happenings, celebs, politics - and manage to give it all a Jewish twist. If you don't believe us, ask Amishav. And PR? Do you see any ads that attest to a public relations campaign?

Wanabee-junkies fine, but please, don't jack up in front of me. - Is that English? Can someone interpret? There you go again with the bzz bzz.

I feel bad for ACW. Does anyone know a girl for him (or could it be a her - interesting)? I think *someone* needs to get some, if ya know what I mean.