Once and For All: Who is Gay in Hollywood????

--> Don't let Tom (or Diane) fool you.


It's kinda late and I've had an uneventful but nevertheless exhausting day. Fun little goss tidbits are mosying through my head so why don't I just lay them out here for your enjoyment, rather than formulating a quippy (and of course amusing) entry.

Here goes, kinderlach:

- I got together with some fellow bas yisrael this past Shabbos afternoon. We had a lovely shaleshudes and talked about divrei torah, i.e. what celebrities are definitively feigelahs (gay).*

Turns out one of the chiquitas had a long convo with this woman who works at MTV and she confirmed the orientation of some SLEBS I just knew were crushing on the the color pink: Tom Cruise (oh please, did you ever doubt?), John Travolta, Kevin Spacey and Ms. Jodie Foster.

-My lovably yentish friend also named a hottie I had strongly suspected: Jake Gyllenhaal. Sigh. All the hotties are gay. (Please let Jonathan Rhys Myers be exempt!) She pointed to another actress I couldn't quite figure out: Nicole Kidman. (Don't ask me why she's married to Keith Urban.) And an actress I should have realized, but always thought had bad luck with men: Diane Keaton.

-Finally, she shocked me with this revelation: Meg Ryan! None of my other friends seemed in the least bit surprised. I couldn't believe that I, Ms. Blase Everyone in Hollywood is Gay, did not suspect the Meg. According to my friend, when slebs adopt babies rather than have their own, it's a tipoff. Witness Meg's adoption of her Asian bebe Daisy and (ahem!) Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman's adoption of two kids instead of having their own.

-Then I did some internet research (i.e. Google but research sounds so official) and found that not only was Meg rumored to have a 'very special relationship' with her hairdresser, but she was also suspected of having a 'secret' (i.e. leaked by publicists) relationship with Matthew Perry (also rumored to be gay). That cinched it for me.

Now, you may ask: Why do you care who is gay?

To this I say: If you're going to market yourself as one thing, and you really are another, I'll be danged before I look like a fool! I will Strive For The Truth (the emes if you will)! Just like our sainted grandmothers taught us: don't be fooled by a lokshen kugel masquerading as a brisket!

You may also want to know: What the heck does this have to do with Jewish topics (i.e. JewYorkCity's bread & buttah)?

To this I provide this rejoinder: We were so busy talking about the STAHS on Shabbos, we didn't indulge in any loshon hara (about people we know)! If that isn't sainted, what is?

Layla tov, honeys.

*Disclaimer: Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. No, really. I saw "Trembling Before G-d" and have proven myself to be, on this blog and elsewhere, a firm believer in gay rights. (I mean that.) And hot men in tights. (I mean that too.)