A Very Happy Pagan Holiday to You!

Good Jews don't celebrate the pagan holiday of Halloween; this is nisht amchu (not of our nation, as my beloved grandmother always says in reference to her goyish roomate - hee).

Still, we are so bombarded with trick or treaters and scantily clad NYers using this as an excuse to whoop it up, I thought JYC should acknowledge the day in some way. So enjoy the following images:

--> "Oh why did I eat half of that meltaway??? Every Shabbos I promise myself that I won't stuff myself with a whole gefilte loaf and 10 pieces of challah...Hey, that rainbow cookie is looking pretty good."
OR

-->"Bubby wants to set you up with her neighbor ____(insert silly name: Shnookie, Shukie, etc.)"



---> "Bubby, my date with Shmookleh went verrrry well."

Jewish Comfort Foods For When It's Kalt Outside

Brr! Am I the only one who's having trouble adjusting to the cold weather? What the heck happened to the summer? I understand that it's the end of October but it seems like it was warm until a few weeks ago. Now I'm breaking out the gloves.

Because of this sad, sad turn of events, here is a list of foods that should keep you and your belly warm when it's kalt out. (This also will add some padding onto your tuchus, and everyone knows that blubber is useful for keeping warm. Oooh, Blubber....loved that book by Judy Bloom...anyway-):

-Stuffed cabbage (my mom made the raisin-free version, but the sweet kind I've tasted in kosher delis - which I must add are somehow always open on Shabbos - is good too)
-Challah dipped in coffee (don't ask me why, it just works)
-Soup, soup and more soup - chicken soup with alphabet soup is yum, with knaidlech and kreplach even better, mushroom barley delicious, cream of broccoli (? - I don't think so)
-Potatoe kigel straight from the oven
-Sufganiot (Chanukah is coming after all)
-Hot open turkey sandwiches with mashed potatoes
-Hot cereal such as farina
-Hot guys to keep you warm in bed (oops! how'd that get in here?)

Judaica Man: Putting the Oy in Oy Vey

No further words needed:

Things that rock (happier, precipitation-free version):

1. Crystal Lite.
2. Watching 'Old School' on DVD for the 1,526th time.
3. Gan Asia eaten in front of the TV (preferably while watching Old School or similar).
4. Walls painted a color other than white.
5. 80's sentimental crap songs - Air Supply, Chicago, etc. - especially if played in Cafe Classico.
6. Laminated diplomas.
7. Chocolate chip challah fresh from the oven (without obligatory salt).
8. Getting kudos from your friends' bubbys' for frugal actions such as saving buttons.
9. Nick Lachey. Everything about him.
10. Cursing like a truck driver any old time.
11. Time Warner Center - shiny, clean and out of price range.
12. Old Uncle Moishe, Kivi & Tuki, Toby the Taxi and Schlock Rock songs. Especially 'Achashveirosh.'
13. Bookstores that encourage you to spread out and read their magazines for free.
14. Nelly Furtado for reinventing herself as a hot chick.
15. Anything free, at least in theory. (we're Jewish, aren't we?)
16. Meeting 'cool' boys again that snubbed you in high school. They're older, fatter, balder and desperate. You're hot as hell and you know it. They come over and tell say you're smoking, and you laugh, walk away, and swing your hair. Who's the loser NOW, baby?

I can't top #16. RAWQ!

JEWISH BLOGGERS UNITE - DRINKS SOCIAL IN MANHATTAN

JewYorkCity is planning a Happy Hour in New York City for Jewish Bloggers to mingle, chat, and talk about our narcisstic selves. We're curious to see the public interest in planning an event like this. To get a tentative headcount, please email me your interest in an event like this >>>>>>>> jayse@mac.com

Things that suck (self indulgent, rainy day version):

1. Rats.
2. Duane Reade.
3. Alarm clocks.
4. Cinnamon raisin challah.
5. Manicure chips. Potatoe stix.
6. Running into annoying people in the Jewish Center (you know who you are).
7. Gym membership fees.
8. Being ridiculed for wearing bubby underwear.
9. Dirty martinis.
10. Prudes, snobs, beeyotches.
11. Ugg boots.
12. Tights that stink after one use.
13. To do lists that never end.
14. Jewish guilt.
15. Not being able to think of anything else that sucks.

Hallelujah!!! Welcome Back, Sunday!!!

It is with great pleasure that I invite you to look forward to this upcoming Sunday and all of those after. As a result of the fact that our beloved Jewish holidays have ended, we can now actually treat Sunday like a normal day and have a normal weekend.

Can't wait to go to the gym, do the laundry (yes!), have brunch, see movies and actually have a buffer zone between Shabbos and work. I am really excited about returning to my life as a Superficial Manhattanite.

Parental Control: A Shandeh for the Neighbors

I can't keep quiet anymore. I have long considered MTV to be a disgusting example of what's wrong with society today. It is rife with messages telling youth they should drink, buy things compulsively, have sex indiscriminately, and shake their booty like hoochies in bad bicycle shorts.

Of course, that doesn't stop me from (obsessively) watching MTV. Still, despite my hypocrisy, I have to rail against the show Parental Control. On this show, as MTV proudly states, fed-up parents send their 'pride and joy' on two blind dates of their choosing, in the hopes that one of them will finally catch his-or-her eye so they'll finally dump What's-Their-Name (i.e. boy/girlfriend that they don't approve of). Parents then sit side-by-side with the errant What's-Their-Name and watch live footage of both dates. Okay, interesting concept, I'll give them that.

Interesting up to a point. What MTV doesn't say is that most of the time, these 'dates' are just an excuse for the kids to go to some random place for a weird activity (paper mache comes to mind), act in an extremely suggestive manner, undress to a bathing suit/underoos and usually, make out. Meanwhile, the parents and boyfriend are watching all of this. And this is the weirdest part - the parents are usually happy to see their kids act like harlots, and cheer them on in the hopes that they will finally give 'that guy' the heave-ho.

How sick is that? Do you think your parents would be happy to see you sucking face and licking honey off the chest of a guy/girl you just met (this actually happened on one show)??? I think not. What kind of messages are they sending to their 'pride and joy'? And in the spirit of good middot, isn't this a little bit inconsiderate of the errant boyfriend's feelings? Who are these people???

Certainly not Jewish parents. The Yiddishe version of Parental Control would involve precious Henchie going out on two blind dates with Yoely and Yonkie, both of whom have been screened by the FBI. The parents anxiously watch the events unfold on TV, with the shadchan by their side. On one date, Henchie goes to the Marriot Marquis lobby, and in the other, she goes to the airport. Who does she choose??? Breathtaking suspense ensues. Controversy erupts when Yoely sits in the car with Henchie for too long, bringing up issues of Yichud. The parents are overjoyed when Henchie finally picks Yonkie, who has a plastic bag factory and respectfully got their daughter a diet Coke without as much brushing her fingers. (Can't wait to see them on OnlySimchas.)

Caution: Searching for the Perfect Man May Be Hazardous to Your Health

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this 'political cartoon' are not necessarily those of this blogger. However, tee hee.

Nu, do you agree?

Also, notice the 'shabbos candles' and 'Rashi/Martinelle' beverage on the table. Think this meal was taking place in the Westmont, where hope goes to die (and everyone goes to kvetch)?

High-Holiday boredom...

So the high-holidays are just over (is sukkos considered high or is it done with YK... ? I can't keep up. The JTA writes an interesting story on Jews who don't attend high holiday services, yet are connected to their Jewish faith.

I was able to relate quite appropriately as I skipped out on much of the High Holiday services this year. With Jews identifying as 2-day-a-year Jews, indicating their temple attendance on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, those are actually the days where services are the most difficult ... perhaps, that's why these Jews don't return during the year.

I appreciate shul more during a Friday night Shabbos service, rather than an entire day. But... that's just me.

Jewish Blog Guilt: Post-Yom Kippur Version

So I've been on this self-improvement kick to get myself ready for the High Holy Days (which just passed, may they be well). Part of it has been learning the laws of Shmirat Ha'Lashon, or guarding your tongue so you don't speak badly of others.

What I've learned is that not following these laws is a huge transgression equal to not keeping the entire Torah. As such, the laws are so strict that you basically can't even mention another person's name since it might lead another person to say something even slightly unfavorable about them.

I've really been trying hard to keep these laws and have thus been feeling progressively guiltier and guiltier about my snarky blogging here on this delectable site. What could be worse than dissing fellow Jews in a public forum? You can't even say things about our Nation of Israel (not Islam, Heaven forbid, nothing wrong with saying anything about them).

So, I'm in a quandary. I love blogging but don't want to be a 'peddler of gossip.' What to do, what to do?