Who NOT To Be

In the spirit of "What Not to Wear," the whimsical show that advises hapless fashion victims on how to get everyone to stop pointing and laughing, I am introducing an exciting new feature:
"Who NOT To Be."

On a semi-regular basis, I will annoint the most annoying/idiotic/crazy person that's been in the news lately as the Person Not To Be (PNTB), so I can advise my darling readers who to avoid rubbing elbows (or any other body part) with.

This week, unsurprisingly, the dubious honor goes to Mr. Tom "CrazyKat" Cruise.*
















Our least favorite, maniacally grinning $cientologist has had his minions PUT UP SIGNS warning his Kate (never Katie) that she must stay completely silent when she gives birth to the artifically inseminated love pillow (I'm still not convinced that she's really pregnant - she's been showing for what - 10 months now? But that's a whole other tangent...). Supposedly, any sort of shriek, grunt or murmur from the mother disturbs the baby's psyche for years to come.

It's one thing to make Katie sign a contract to be his faux girlfriend and tip off the media that she will be following the tenets of silent birth. Crazy as that is, it's quite another to create a photo op of $ci Slaves putting up signs that say things like, "ACHTUNG! There is spawn imbued with $cientology spirit spurting out of you in a flood of water and afterbirth. Do not say a word or it will be damaged forever. No f***ing talking allowed, beeyotch!"

I don't know about you, but the only sign that I think makes sense to put in any birthing room is,"Screw _____ (man who knocked you up). He's the reason you're in this position!"

*Thanks to EvilNJB for alerting me to Demon Tom's disturbing antics this week.