Scholarly Discourse: Making Sweet Love Forbidden - The Tie That Binds Judaism & Islam

(sing it, baby!) "I wanna lay you down and touch you wuhdoo...."




So much is going on in the always humorous arena of religion that I just had to provide one of my beloved scholarly discourses. Firstly, I had the pleasure of attending a Shabbos meal with a young Rabbi-to-be (Rabbi wannabe? Rabbabe?) who informed us all that he would be attending a conference in Seville, Spain. Like salivating dogs, we demanded to know how he could have a job so awesome that would send him there (instead of to Midtown to push papers at a desk - although some frickin weirdos may find that awesome as well).

Turns out, he will be attending the "Congress of Rabbis and Imams." What the heck is this you ask? I asked that too. Turns out that The Rothchild Foundation is sponsoring this conference in the name what they say is 'cultural understanding.' I interpret this as: Maybe if Rabbis and Sheiks could better understand each other, Sheiks would stop issuing fatwas (for those not in the know - that is a religious edict) that their faithful flocks should blow themselves up in public Jewish areas every five minutes.

That makes sense, right? If Rabbis and Imams really have the opportunity to get inside each other's heads, maybe we would start the road to world peace, bit by bit. Can't you just see it now:

Rabbi Shmaltz: Today, I awoke (gevald!), said my prayers, ate a delicious omelet with salami, and came to this conference.
Imam Bin Landino: Today, I too awoke, knelt on my carpet toward Mecca, ate a delicious meal of fresh goat milk and dates, and came to this conference.
Rabbi and Imam, simultaneously: Wow, we have so much in common! We both got up in the morning, said prayers, and ate! Why are we fighting???

I really have high hopes for this conference, as you can see. A look at the agenda brings to light many interesting topics, such as:

Virgins 101: How to Get Them, Keep Them, and Make the Most of Them
Rabbinic Beards and Imamic Facial Hair: Not Just Coincidence
Pig and Non-Hallal Meat: Feh!
Seville, Spain: Flamenco Dancing Through Islamic and Judaic Ages

Taking this discourse a step further, the very-same Rabbinical wonder that told me about the conference also clued me in a very useful website called Fatwa Online. There, inquistive young Muslims can have their most burning religious questions answered in real time by an Imam! The internet is really a miracle. Upon sampling this website, I was pleased to see that once again, Judaism and Islam really are very much alike. Witness the shomer negiah-like exchange below.
*I don't know for sure, but I'm assuing wuhdoo and fitnah have to do with shidduch perceptions....

Question: The issue of a woman touching a man without any intention such as her passing through a busy place or the like, or her receiving something from a seller such as goods and she hands him over the money or the like, does this form of touching nullify her wudhoo?

Response: Firstly, we advise the woman not to get caught in busy places with men and to keep far away from mixing and (unintentional) touching of the men keeping far away from busy places where there is fear of fitnah - because indeed the woman is a (source of) fitnah.
As regards her having touched a man without intention, her wudhoo is nullified only if she touched him with desire or he touched her with desire as we have mentioned.

Well, I'll be butched! Rabbis and Imams really do have alot in common. Turns out they both advocate that women should stop tempting men with sexy exchanges such as handing them change with desirous intentions.

Finally, on a totally unrelated note, Shaft of South Park fame has quit his role of Chef because of the episode making fun of his sacred cow, Scientology. (Also - Issac Hayes - a $cientologist?? Who knew??) For the love of shlamazel, these Scientologists can't take a joke. And for the love of shleimel, if you're a single, be-fitnah'd woman, please don't desire the storekeepers when you sashay through the marketplace.