Happy Chanukah, Young Maccabees!

THAT'S CHANUKAH IN HEBREW!!!

Dear Hanukkah Harry,

I've been a very good girl this year.

Although I danced on tables a few times, I always wore underwear and stayed modest. While I might have gossiped here and there, it was always (okay, usually) about celebrities, and we all know they don't count right? If I ate at Viva, at least I don't look Jewish so there was no ma'areet ayin. (A word on that: I think it's kosher since it's owned by non-Jews, but what do I know?)

I did chessed:
-I put candy on my desk for the benefit of my co-workers.
-I ignored the hideous freaks who made obscene comments to me on the street.
-I proudly wore my Star of David bling bling.
-I tipped my manicurist generously.
-I ate oily latkes and jelly doughnuts just like you asked. Not only that, I'm giving my faithful readers a recipe to make latkes themselves! (Shebang!!)
-I did not attack the girl who blatantly jumped the coat check line at Hiro the other night (although, being an honest little Yid, I did want to).

So, dear Harry, all I ask for in return is a few prezzies. What do I have in mind? Just a modest selection:
-The new furry, multi-colored Coach bag (my mother and sister would be so proud)
-A personal chef
-Banning all dogs from NYC streets and immediate jail for dog walkers who disobey
-A two-month jaunt to see the world
-All my friends meeting their basherts right away

But I'll settle for:
-Peace in Israel and happiness for all
-A few bucks (Come ON!!!!)
-Some Godiva truffles
-An audience with Napolean Dynamite

Thanks for listening, H.H. I have complete emunah that you will read this letter and make all my wildest dreams come true.

And, if not, I know that Pedro from Napolean Dynamite will.

Frailecha smoochies,
The Jumpin' Jewess of the Duchy of the Upper West Side

Latkes
Ingredients:
2 potatoes peeled
1 small onion peeled
2 eggs
3 tbsp. milk (regular on non-dairy)
2 tbsp. melted butter or margarine
1/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp. salt
black pepper
oil, for frying

Instructions:
Grate potatoes and onions into a medium-sized mixing bowl.
In another bowl add eggs, milk and melted butter and blend.
Then add flour, salt and pepper and process to mix.
Pour over potatoes and onions and stir to mix.
Drop by quarter cupfuls on a prepared griddle or skillet.
Spread to make a 4" pancake.
Cook until brown on both sides, turning.
Serve with: sour cream, applesauce or even ketchup!