Britney's Son's Bris: A Complete Shandeh!

I was shocked to arrive at Young Israel of White Trash this morning for the exciting occasion of the bris milah of the second heir to the dynasty of Britney Jean Spears & Kevin Cletus (Unemployment)Line and find that things were not as 'classy' as I would have expected.

Rather than naming their son for a virtuous ancestor, such as Bobby Ray Yoel or Mascara Clump Moshe, they instead went with the name 'Sutton Pierce.' Okay, that's not overly insane at first glance given the odd celebrity tradition of utterly bizarre names such as Pilot Inspektor Lee, but the Spears-(Fertile)Line alliance has been devastatingly cunning!

As I schmeared cream cheese on some grits, I reflected on the name. You see, Sutton Pierce Federline now has the same initials as his baby brother, Sean Preston Federline - that's right, SPF! Thus, these poor children, who never had a chance to begin with given their lineage and genetics, will be additionally tortured. They are destined to forever be compared to sun protection products. What could be worse? I guess they could have been given the initials 'STD.'