Boo fu**in hoo! Guess what Paris lost now?

--> Don't cry, Paris. Just drink the Kool-Aid.




No, not her virginity. That little flower was taken long, long ago.

No, not her risque (I'm being delicate here) 'One Night in Paris' video with Rick Salomon. That's old news and from what I heard, she profited handsomely from its sales.

No, not her chihuahua, Tinkerbell. He was once lost, but then found underneath a pile of forgotten shoes. Besides, she gave him away when he got fat and she got tired of him.

No, not her hacked Sidekick. That sure was fun though - getting access to the contact info of various STAHS and Paris' dirty cam phone shots (one of which was an unsurprising lesbo shot). The most interesting dirt, in my opinion, were the private emails - one of which revealed through La Lindsay Lohan that Jessica Simpson was a fan of the nose candy.

No, not her Bentley, which she recently lost in a poker game. Eh, big deal, she'll just buy a new one.

And, finally, no, not her mind. I don't think she ever had it, and it's certainly gone now. At a media event, she screwed (tee hee) up the promotion of 'her' video game and called it the wrong name.

No, Ms. Hilton has sadly lost the Mother's Day gift (*cough* - freebies) she so lovingly had (her assistants, stylists, shopgirls) put together for Big Mama Kathy. What was lost? A gift bag containing nearly $10,000 worth of Christian Dior shoes, sunglasses, handbags and perfume.

How was it lost? A delivery person set the package down outside the home's gate to ring the intercom when a passenger in a passing car snatched the gifts. "A fellow just whizzed by and grabbed the package," a source said.

Wah, wah, Mama Kathy. I guess I feel sorta bad for her - not that it matters - Paris can just get her a new one with a snap of the fingers. But I sure am proud of the whizzing fellow.