If a Meat Cleaver Falls in Teaneck, But No One Read the Price of the Turkey Breast, Is It Fair for Jumpin Jewess to Walk Out Without a Sound?

Kishke is $12.99???




So, yesterday: ROAD TRIP!!! The writers of this mucho-heralded blog, plus one brilliant chiquita of a lawyer, piled into a snazzy (albeit soiled) zzzzZipCar and headed to an engagement party in the wilds of Jersey. There was much singing, cackling and honking along the way - in short, it was the road trip of dreams!

The party was very enjoyable, especially because of the glut of emotional speeches and the near-riot at the buffet (truly a matter of course at Jewish events). All were very happy for the beautiful bride and groom-to-be, as their pairing seemed truly bashert, despite an avowed lack of spirituality and a healthy dose of skepticism as to whether G-d really had anything to do with it. As the debate raged, us JYC writers were even happier to note that real food, ala wraps, were served, along with the usual cakes and cookies that looked tempting but would have caused an emergency trip to the dentist and (non-celebrity) fit club. (A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, kinderlach!)

Once the delight of the party had ebbed, we couldn't just let the fun end there - after all, we were in Teaneck, the 'Jerusalem of the West' (as sagely noted by Jewgrrl). After receiving some enigmatic instructions, we headed over to Cedar Lane, to experience the true Jewishness of Bergen County and profit from what we thought would be cheaper prices on food.

Alas, alack, but the Jumpin Jewess was foiled!!!! After gleefully stomping into Noah's Ark deli and pronouncing the place to be heavenly, I brazenly ordered two pounds of turkey breast from the gregarious counterboy. My eyes fell out of my skull when I was handed the price: $47.16. That boiled down to $22 a pound!!! Now, I'll admit that I didn't look at the price, as I was so certain that it would be cheaper. After all, this wasn't Manhattan! Also, I think I confused turkey breast with the turkey roll you get in cheapo packages. But still, I wasn't about to spend 50 smackeroos on some gobble gobble lunch that was even more expensive than Kosher Marketplace price gouging.

Therefore: I screamed in surprise, returned the package and skulked out silently in shame! My colleagues were chagrined, but not surprised. After all, I am world-renowned for my frugality. All was not lost, however, as we headed to Butterflake Bakery and I bought some delish croutons for $1.99.

After that, we all headed home and lived happily ever after, content in the knowledge that a picture of the Jumpin Jewess now lives above the cash register at Noah's Ark. All in all, a magical day. Look for the movie in a cinema near you!