DOES SURI (HOLMES-CRUISE) EXIST???

I am beginning to think that Suri, the wrongly monikered Scientology spawn, is not with us. Rather, Katie was carrying a pillow for 12 months. Just where are Crazy Tom & Robot Kate hiding her?

US Weekly even dedicated a cover to this burning question. Leah Remini, the wench from "King of Queens" claims to have seen her,* but she's a Scientologist too so somehow I don't believe her.

I'm getting worried - SURI, WHERE ARE YOU????? Someone get me a pacifier.

*Why is CNN even covering this??? Shouldn't they be reporting on more important world events like JYC does??