Scientology Superstar Tom Cruise Goes Chassidish

After my non-stop disgust-tinged coverage of Tom Cruise's antics around his fem-bot Kate's pregnancy, I would be remiss if I did not report that the Psycho Scientologist has named his new alien unit daughter 'Suri.' Yes, that's right, CHASSIDISH, FRUMMY name SURI.

The Cruise Camp stated that they chose this moniker since it 'means "princess" in Hebrew and "red rose" in Persian.' Having a sister named Sarah, I can back up it means princess, but what the heck are those freaks doing dabbling in Hebrew???

Are they renouncing L. Ron, Dianetics, Silent Birth, couch jumping, e-meters, and the entire sci-fi genre to become part of the Chosen People? Can we expect to have these walking mutations enter the Jewish gene pool?

Nah, I believe this is only the latest stunt in bizarro celeb baby naming. Gwynnie did Moses, so Mr. Mission Impossible had to top her with Suri. And what a good job! He picked a name that us Yiddies in the City snicker at as old fashioned, along the lines of Hencha, Chaya Mushka, etc.

Good job, psychos! From now on, I will refer to the whole mishpacha as KrazyKat and FrummySuri. And I'll close with my sister's* comment on the whole affair, "Next year they'll have another kid and name him Yonkeleh. And - Shandeh!!! - they STILL won't be married."

*A real Sarah