Gwyneth Pops Out a Moses; World Sighs at Absence of Fruit

Please join us in wishing Gwyneth "Fish Stick" Paltrow a mazel tov in popping out little minnow Moses Martin.

We knew Gwynnie was turning into a Jew when she resolved to fast on Rosh HaShana, but we are even more pleasantly surprised that she chose to forgoe the obvious "Feivish Pear" or "Banana Bochur" fruit reference in homage to our leader this upcoming Passover.

Best wishes to doting daddy Chris (time to drop the shaygetz, Gwynnie) and adoring sis Apple Martini.