Random celebrities confused by the 'Jewish Character' of their apartment buildings

Reports from dependable porter Leonardo indicate that Emily Pataki, daughter of Governor Pataki and Columbia Law School student, as well as the African American actress who portrays the lieutenant on the original 'Law and Order,' are perplexed and disturbed. When they each found their pied-a-terre in the illustrious James Tower, all seemed perfect. The palms in the lobby were strategically aligned, and the dryer successfully warmed their clothing at least 50% of the time. However, their initial elation has turned to something qite different, as they have learned that most residents of the building are of a dubious 'Jewish character,' shop at a funny store called 'Eretz,' will not press elevator buttons on Friday nights and Saturdays (and ask them to do it for them instead - how lazy are they, really?) and loll around the lobby checking each other out in pajamas and slippers. Equally perplexing is the fact that most male residents wear very funny beanies and will not date Pataki and the actress due to their non-Semitic nature.

Judd Hirsch, a resident of the hallowed Westmont, is experiencing a more favorable situation. While he also is bothered by pesky signage detailing mincha minyans, the vernerable 'Taxi' actor gets a very animated greeting from the normally grumpy doormen. "While our doorman Cleo just grunts at me when I greet him with a hearty good morning, Judd always gets a heartfelt smile and salute," said Davemo Eisenberg, 10th floor Westmont resident and financial whiz kid. "I didn't even know Cleo had teeth until Judd appeared on the scene! I'm famous in some Wall St. circles and Judd hasn't had a good role in years. Cleo might face a smaller tip this Chratzmach."

Touche, Davemo. On the other hand, you probably get a bigger smile (and a larger helping of meatballs) from the guy behind the counter at Eretz than Judd would. And isn't that what really counts?