Bored? Join the Jew's Harp Guild!!!

Are you tired, listless and feel that your life has become pointless? Does your mother tell you that you need to get out more, yet you can't seem to get excited about anything (such as buying generic toilet paper at Duane Reade)? Do you order takeout every night and answer the door in your gatkes (otherwise known as underoos)?

No, this is not an advertisement for a depression clinical trial. This is to tell you that I, the Jumpin' Jewess, have stumbled upon something that will change your life. It is the gateway to a stimulating hobby, and no, it's not birdwatching.

Presenting: The Jew's Harp Guild!!!! Stop it, you skeptics, it's not like the Lollipop Guild in The Wizard of Oz. While many people may not know this, this website attests:

"The Jew's Harp is a small musical instrument which is held against the teeth or lips and plucked with the fingers. Its appearance in many cultures of the world, and ancient roots, attest to the magical essence of this simple instrument."

Did you hear that people? It's ancient and magical!!! This will transform your life like nothing else! Also, it's kind of funny and phallic looking. What do you say? Why not run, run, run and learn to play the Jew's Harp? Perhaps a Jewish genie, payis and all, will pop out and introduce you to your bashert (or at least give you a gift certificate to Kosher Delight).

It will also give you something in common with other cultures, since it has so many names. Here is the tantalizing list:

England - Gewgaw
Germany - Maultrommel (which means mouth drum)
Japan - Koukin (Sounds like lukshen!)
Russia - Vargan
Siberia - Khomus (Sounds like chummus!)
Philippines - Kumbing and kubing
Italy - Scacciapensieri
Norway - munnharpa or munnharpe (Sounds like gefilte!)
France - guimbarde Bali - genggong

Now if you can't get excited about harmonizing with people from Siberia, there's a great clinical trial that I know about.

Good Shabbos, folks!